At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
