your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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