I think my fart just growled at me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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