i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
