Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize