I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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