youre lurking in front of me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
