Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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