That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
