he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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