i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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