from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
