Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
