I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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