I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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