why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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