Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I faked an abortion last night.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
