i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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