I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
