it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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