I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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