dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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