chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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