my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
