You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
