Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
