you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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