I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
