Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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