he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
