but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His hands were made for my vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
