im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
