Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
