I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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