I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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