I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
