So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
