I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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