Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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