you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
