12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
