If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
