All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
