I just pynch a tree in the face
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
