i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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