It's Friday. Sex?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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