you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
