i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
