In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are a genius and a whore.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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