Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
