my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
