I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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