I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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