If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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