I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize