new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
