Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
