We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
