Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
