and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I love you. Go after that dick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
