I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
