i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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