I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
