no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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