She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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