Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
