nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
