You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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