is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
