Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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