come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
