If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
